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NEWS
  • In Universe Dateline: September 30th 2024
  • Mr. Harrea's house crushed by falling debris in Venezuelan Space Program accident
  • S4 server team member slips on carpal tunnel braces with the calm of a soldier prepared to die in battle
  • SUG Rebels gain legitimacy in Venezuela following several successful offensives
  • Skirmishes along Afghanistan-Pakistan border raises concerns about new flare up in the region
  • Malden defense forces intercept massive shipment of weapons and narcotics from Libya
  • Florida dad spends retirement untangling big mess of wires
  • Livonian parliament passes reunification law, US and Polish troops plan staged withdrawal
  • Man claims he was acting under Taylor Swift's secret orders after being arrested at NATO summit
  • THESE HEADLINES ARE WORKS OF FICTION INTENDED TO SUPPORT THE STORYLINES OF THE 3d MRB REALISM UNIT

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Posted (edited)

Sgt Woods: "This might be a tad awkward. Does it look like I've been sweating.....in my crotch region."
Me: "Yes."

Edited by SSgt Red

GYSGT G. RED
Retired

 

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Guest
Posted

HM2 Benson: I don't want to get emotionally attached to titties. That's why I don't watch Game of Thrones.

Posted

Me: Hey Ray... Knock Knock.
Ray: Who's there?
Me: Moved.
Ray: ":( COME BACK THIS IS YOUR ONLY FORWARDING ADDRESS"

HM1 (FMF) D. MASK
Retired

 

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Guest
Posted

SSgt Bazarnicki: Moraven is like a reverse ATM, I swipe a credit card through her butt crack and she spits out money.

Sgt Moraven: OH!! That reminds me of a story.

Posted

HM3 Mask: You know what helps me out when I'm nervous Hawkins?
Me: Whats that?
HM3 Mask: What makes me feel better when I'm nervous is I like to eat a bag of Cheetos® and then have wet dreams while I'm playing
Me: Don't fall asleep on me Mask.

CAPT M. HAWKINS
MSOT 8313 Team Leader | S-1 A&D Clerk | S-3 ITC Instructor
Alpha Company, 3d MRB, Marine Raider Regiment

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
Posted

SSgt Falconer: "If you can't control your poop, there's something wrong with you."

MAJ E. RAY
Retired
MRB Command Staff (R)
 

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  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

Cpl Melo : Hey Harmon, when are we gonna... FUCK ?!?!?!?!?

  • Upvote 1
Posted

2ndLt Hart: "I forgot that my 'push to talk' button is the 'prime grenade' button."

MAJ E. RAY
Retired
MRB Command Staff (R)
 

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Posted

Cpl Cole: If this map was a woman I would take it to dinner.

CAPT J. HART
MSOT 8311 Team Leader | S-2 OIC | S-3 ITC Instructor
 | S-4 Logistics Team Leader
Alpha Company, 3d MRB, Marine Raider Regiment
MRB Command Staff

 

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Posted (edited)

Cpl Cole: Do I want to get sweaty before bed?

Later...

Cpl Cole: I found out the other day that I am very capable of murder.

Cpl Cole: Nothing fills me with rage and wanting to kill more than BAKING!

Edited by 2ndLt Hart

CAPT J. HART
MSOT 8311 Team Leader | S-2 OIC | S-3 ITC Instructor
 | S-4 Logistics Team Leader
Alpha Company, 3d MRB, Marine Raider Regiment
MRB Command Staff

 

yhBpLzI.png

Posted

Sgt Hawkins: "Alright let's go over there and demo that SAM now that we have control of the runway"
SSgt Falconer: "No. It's not our issue anymore."
LCpl Kardnal: ".. . .C'mon Hawkins lets blow it up!"
LCpl Kardnal and Sgt Hawkins sprint off before SSgt Falconer can get a word in edgewise or notice that they are missing.

200m later. . .

LCpl Kardnal and Sgt Hawkins are approached by an Army Specialist 'Harry Johnson', who tells them "Hey, this runway is under our control now. No need to demo anything." Interrupting Hawkins and Kardnal planting charges.
LCpl Kardnal: "Well I've got higher-ups demanding this SAM be demo'd ASAP."
Harry Johnson: "Can't let you do that."
LCpl Kardnal: "Hold up. Let me contact My superiors." (Radio queues common channel) "Command, this is Kardnal. Army wants us to stop the demo on the SAM. How do you want me to proceed?"
SSgt Falconer: (radio) "Don't blow up the SAM."
LCpl Kardnal: "Yeah they want us to blow up the SAM."
Harry Johnson: "Okay, carry on." (jogs the fuck off)

Operator to the max. "Too Opsec for you"

  • Upvote 3

CAPT M. KARDNAL
Retired

 

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Posted

SSgt Falconer: I just realized that I held down my push to talk while I ate my nuts.

CAPT J. HART
MSOT 8311 Team Leader | S-2 OIC | S-3 ITC Instructor
 | S-4 Logistics Team Leader
Alpha Company, 3d MRB, Marine Raider Regiment
MRB Command Staff

 

yhBpLzI.png

Posted

LCpl Swanson: "This has to be Canada or some other third world country."

  • Upvote 4

MAJ E. RAY
Retired
MRB Command Staff (R)
 

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Posted

Sgt Boardman - "I'm a morning after pill."

  • Upvote 2
Posted

1stLt Ray: Stick with me kid. You'll go far. Into a ditch. Screaming.

  • Upvote 1

CAPT J. HART
MSOT 8311 Team Leader | S-2 OIC | S-3 ITC Instructor
 | S-4 Logistics Team Leader
Alpha Company, 3d MRB, Marine Raider Regiment
MRB Command Staff

 

yhBpLzI.png

Posted

More great out of context ray quotes...

1stLt Ray: It smells like fish pussy

  • Upvote 1

CAPT J. HART
MSOT 8311 Team Leader | S-2 OIC | S-3 ITC Instructor
 | S-4 Logistics Team Leader
Alpha Company, 3d MRB, Marine Raider Regiment
MRB Command Staff

 

yhBpLzI.png

Posted

<22:04:56> "HN J. Wolfe (Laptop)": Yeah but once you get 2 dicks in the ass your life will never be the same

  • Upvote 5
Posted

Sgt Boardman: Just smoke a li'l WWWEEEEEEEEEEEeeeed.
Sgt Boardman: That is, coming from the girl who "tried" to smoke it. . Once.. . 

  • Upvote 1

CAPT M. KARDNAL
Retired

 

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