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  • In Universe Dateline: September 30th 2024
  • S4 server team member slips on carpal tunnel braces with the calm of a soldier prepared to die in battle
  • SUG Rebels gain legitimacy in Venezuela following several successful offensives
  • Skirmishes along Afghanistan-Pakistan border raises concerns about new flare up in the region
  • Malden defense forces intercept massive shipment of weapons and narcotics from Libya
  • Florida dad spends retirement untangling big mess of wires
  • Livonian parliament passes reunification law, US and Polish troops plan staged withdrawal
  • Man claims he was acting under Taylor Swift's secret orders after being arrested at NATO summit
  • THESE HEADLINES ARE WORKS OF FICTION INTENDED TO SUPPORT THE STORYLINES OF THE 3d MRB REALISM UNIT

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Posted (edited)

HM3 Peterson: "Rivera, could you look at my PP?"

Edited by LCpl Lee
  • Haha 2
Posted
47 minutes ago, LCpl Lee said:

HM3 Peterson: "Rivera, could you look at my PP?"

He left out the good part


HM2 (FMF) Rivera: I hope your talking about your promotion points and not your pee pee. 
 

  • Haha 2
Posted

Carter: Everyone likes the opposite sex but Carter.

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)

Group of us on squad 

 

SSgt Schwarz while I’m dead: “Stay down Melbert!”

Me: I don’t have a fucking choice Duck!!

Edited by Sgt Melbert
  • Haha 7

SSGT C. MELBERT

Retired

 

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Posted

Me: I'm a pacifist sometimes 

 

@LtCol MakowskiMakowski : Specter you literally have a cult of people who flock to you on Friday nights to laugh about people being killed.

 

Me: Yeah that's fair.

  • Haha 7
Posted

GySgt Specter: "When I feel it in my eyes, that's how I know I'm drunk enough."

  • Haha 1
Posted
1 hour ago, HM2 (FMF) Rivera said:

GySgt Specter: "Tell raven, Anime Tities" 

lmao

Posted
3 hours ago, HM2 (FMF) Rivera said:

GySgt Specter: "When I feel it in my eyes, that's how I know I'm drunk enough."

I vaguely remember this.

Posted

MSgt Carter: Don't talk about that to me Rivera, you SARCs complain about everything: If there's too little going on, if there's too much going on, always something with y'all.

  • Like 5
  • Haha 1

CAPT M. KARDNAL
Retired

 

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Posted

<18:42:09> "Sgt Melbert": Sgt Melbert - Resignation

I, Sgt Melbert, hereby submit my resignation to the 3d MRB Realism Unit on 24 Feb 19.

Reason: My asshole is not for sale in this team

  • Haha 6

CAPT M. KARDNAL
Retired

 

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Posted

I have heard of a colonel in MARSOC say this:

 

"It is not my duty to prepare for wars for cocaine. I prepare for wars of sugar."

  • 3 weeks later...
Posted

SSgt McCelvy, in the news article planning forum, regarding the current headline crawl:

 

Quote

Sorry if this is an abuse of privileges, but they lying on me. I would never trade a baby for less that 20 Big Macs.

 

  • Haha 4

MAJ E. RAY
Retired
MRB Command Staff (R)
 

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Posted
39 minutes ago, Maj Ray said:

SSgt McCelvy, in the news article planning forum, regarding the current headline crawl:

 

 

McCelvy would never find himself in that situation.

  • Haha 2
Posted

1st Lt Hall: Remember, you have to stick it in the butt and pee to claim it...

  • Sad 1

SSGT B. ANDERSON
Retired

3d MRB, Marine Raider Regiment

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

Maj Laprade:yeah the russian bots wer...

Teamspeak voice: (User in your channel timed out)

Anderson: THE RUSSIAN BOTS GOT HIM!

  • Haha 7

LTC N. BRUESKE
1st Battalion CO | S-2 Chief / Battle Captain / Zeus Operator | S-3 TACP-Q Instructor | S-4 Logistics Team Leader
160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment

MRB Command Staff

 

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Posted

Sgt Spears *Joins channel*
Sgt Spears: It's wild how difficult coffee is to make. . .
GySgt Specter: Like...At what point? Brewed? Roasted? Picked? Grown?
Sgt Spears: *Rambling, total confusion, no idea what he's talking about*
SSgt Turk *Joins channel*
Capt Kardnal: Turk, how is coffee made?
SSgt Turk: Oh, you grow it on trees, and pick beans and then roast them and then grind the beans and you steep in water so you can drink it in morning so you don't murder your neighbors.
GySgt Specter: That's not even his first language and he's educated me more in five seconds than you have in five minutes.

  • Like 2
  • Haha 5

CAPT M. KARDNAL
Retired

 

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Posted

"I want milk that tastes like real milk"

 

-SSgt Whelan

MSGT V. STREET

Reserves

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
Posted

[Pre-FTX]

Capt Kardnal: Ares, communications frequency?

CW4 Carrera: [Something that ended in 0]

Capt Kardnal: Was that 7-0 or 1-0?

LTC Brueske: Hahaha, 1-0 doesnt exist, the radio only goes up to 99.

Capt Kardnal: Brueske, that's channel 10, that's A. Co. Coordination net.

LTC Brueske turns and sprints off the side of the aircraft carrier to avoid laughter.

  • Haha 2

CAPT M. KARDNAL
Retired

 

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Posted

Sgt Spears: Picking up this Igla. [Also wielding AK]

Sgt Hastings: CONTACT FRONT

Sgt Spears: Wha-

Hastings lights Spears up with a 7-9 round burst.

Hastings, audibly clenching teeth: Oof.. that was friendly.. what am I gonna do..

Capt Kardnal: You should be moving to medically assist him right now..

Hastings, ever the smartass: Yeah but I'm pulling security.

Capt Kardnal: Clearly.

  • Like 2
  • Haha 5

CAPT M. KARDNAL
Retired

 

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Posted

Capt Kardnal: [Throws frag at window, bounces back] Bad frag!

Rivera, from the room over: You fucking reservists!

  • Like 1
  • Haha 6

CAPT M. KARDNAL
Retired

 

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Posted

Myself, Carter, and Kardnal in a building receiving fire.

 

Kardnal: How is it we're taking heavy machine gun fire and I can STILL hear Rivera yelling outside.

 

Rivera, outside: *unintelligible yelling louder than the Dshkm*

  • Like 2
  • Haha 6
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